its all because i'm fat.

i think i really need help. i just think i need to tell someone. but seriously if i do, what is the benefit for me in that? they'll just watch me. make me eat everything. make me fat. i dont want to be fat. i'm already too fat.
but the stress of school and everything is getting to me. i've realised i've wasted so much time throwing up and binging when i could have been studying or doing something with my friends, family or boyfriend. what's wrong with me. how did i get here? will i ever get better? or will it all just become to much for me that i'll come to a end one day?
right now it is really tempting to just die. i want to so bad. just for everything to end. just for once in my life not worry about anything. school, family, being fat.


i dont know what to do.


[Edit] i forgot to mention, im starting to cut again. fingers, arms, legs, hips. hello blood, how i've missed seeing your scarletness.

i'll never be perfect, i'll never be cool, i'll always be nothing.

 - Jason Derulo.