breaking up with BED and Mia

i know i was probably suffering from binge eating disorder too. i mean eating close to 1000 cals in less then 2 hours is hardly what you call normal.. ergh.
well i hate them both.
i hate binging
and i hate purging.
so i'm officially BREAKING UP WITH YOU TWO!

To BED,
in simple words, i've never liked you. yes you have given me the satisfaction of when my favourite fatty foods enter my mouth, but in the long haul, you make me loathe myself. you make me fat. you shovel food down my throat constantly even when i'm full. you give me chubby arms, wobbly fat cellulite thighs, a bloated stomach that covers my abs, a massive butt, a double chin, and i just hate it. i'm trying to lose weight. i am trying to get skinny not fat. your making me fat, therefore i fucking hate you. don't ever come near me again. don't you dare control my body. don't you dare force food down me. ever. goodbye and good riddance. i hope i never see you again.

K.x

Dear Mia,
i can't deny that i don't love you. but recently i just cant deal with you anymore. your getting more and more difficult to handle and it's driving me insane.
i just don't have the time anymore. trying to keep you in my life with school, friends, family and a boyfriend is really really hard. and lately you've been hurting me more and more. i mean for the past couple of weeks, you made me bleed. you've given me chest pains. you've made me feel sick and dizzy. you've made my teeth week that they are now sensitive to cold and hot stuff. you've made my joints crack and sieze up. it just hurts. i didnt know you were going to hurt me. i thought i could trust you. but everyone is right. your not good for me. and frankly, i'm replacing you with Ana. yes she does hurt me too, but she makes me a whole lot happier then you've ever made me.
i will miss you though. i'll miss that high you give me after every meeting with you. i'll miss hiding you in my closet. i'll miss chucking you away. i'll miss cleaning up your mess. i'll miss that good feeling i feel everytime you take out huge quantities of food out of me at once.
but then again. i wont miss you making me look like shit. i wont miss the stomach/chest/head pains you give me. i wont miss you creating scars on my hand. i wont miss the smell of you. i wont miss hiding you.
so this is goodbye. not forever though. i doubt i'll ever be able to FULLY live without you. but i wont be seeing you for a while. Ana's with me now. if i want to be with her, i must follow her rules, and only if i disobey her ( and i dont plan to) she gives me permission to see you. goodbye, i hope i wont be seeing you anytime soon. maybe we'll meet again. maybe we wont.

Love Krystal.

And thats the end of that chapter.
Hello Ana, welcome to my life.
i will now be posting what i eat everyday and how much exercise.
i bought a pair of size 6 shorts today. they nearly do up. i want them to be loose. and i cant wait till that day arrives. :)

new destination.