why do i bother

sometimes i think i try too much.
i give too much.
i love too much.
and it all just backfires back on me.
like some massive explosion.
all my efforts turn to dust.
why can't i be good enough?
why can't anyone be appreciative enough for the things i do for them?
why is it, i'm always the one that has to make the first move? or the one that has to make the most effort?
is it so hard, to consider someone else?

i think i did it again. i believed in something that wasnt there. my worst nightmare. i really dont like being jerked around. my heart can only break so many times till its uprepairable.

"it's not you, its me"
i've heard this phrase too many times to know that the problem is actually me. please, just tell me the truth.

i want to die.
the pain, is too much.
i hope theres a heaven.
please let there be a heaven.