especially when it wasnt my choice to let them down. being in a situation when you are forced to let the ones you love down. it's so hard to be able to say the right words.
the worst is when you've been looking forward to something. and then last minute, something happens and you have to be the one to take down everyones hopes. its a shit feeling. to know that because of you, they are left with a frown and disappointment etched upon their faces.
but then i think, maybe what feels even worse is when they understand your situation and become completely understanding. it kills me internally that they dig out some positive and then try to see the silver lining and make it better for me when i'm the bitch who took the fun.
ihatethisfeeling.ihatemyself.ihatechangingthing.ihatebeingthebadone.ihatebeingme.
i wana cut again.
i havnt in ages.
i want to cut really deep and watch the blood drip everywhere. a pretty shiny red.
i want to feel pain on the outside. because the pain on the inside hurts to much and i cant bear it.
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