shes 46.
i dont care if shes 12 cm shorter then me, i just think its wrong for daughters to weigh more. mums should have the extra fat. daughters should be slim and pretty. mums should be pretty too, but bigger. ahh iuno.
i shouldnt be jealous but i am. lol
cant help it.
anyways.
today i had:
2 hard candies: 44
pumpkin soup: 77
special k bar: 89
lettuce and italian dressing: 39
having juice box again later which is 117. which then makes my intake 366. i might have more lettuce later. maybe i dont know. or an apple. nah not an apple. ergh yesterday i found out my favourite cheese cubes are 20 cals each.. and i used to eat tons of them without thinking.. idiot.
ah well. was a alrite day. boyfriend upset me abit though. we were joking around and then he goes "nope, i'm not talking anymore." and does that thing where you lock your lips and throw away the key.
we didnt talk for like 20 mins. just walking in silence. i wanted to die. i kept thinking about jumping in front of a car because i wasnt good enough for him. and i wanted to apologize even if it wasnt my fault. i feel like everythings my fault. i think i'm getting depressed. i cry alot these days. for no reason. and scary thoughts come into my mind, like how i should die and how i should cut and take pills and jump of the bridge because i dont deserve to live. ahhh i need to clear my head. i hate thinking like this. it hurts.
ah well he apologised later for not talking and told me he loved me.
why would you love me? im shit.
i've been doing good eating wise. very good.
must do homework now.. bye bye. xx
my mother is 47 kg, I'm jealous too.. but sometimes I think that if she is so thin and doesn't have any cellulite being 50, I have those genes too and will be the same at that age, so it's good haha.
ReplyDeletetake care! :)