Starting new sticking to it this time.

i really want to fit in my size 6 shorts.
its killing me.
i lost my virginity today.
i'm not really sure how i feel. it was good i suppose. but i dunno. it hurt too much for me to notice "pleasure". lol
anyway.
i did eat a lot today
and i lost count how many cals
from what i recall, i had

• sour cream
• crackers
• lettuce with seafood sauce
• half a carrot
• a few mini choc bars (lost count how many, however i never ate the whole thing. i just kinda chewed it in places, chucked it out, got another one and chewed it in places. im weird i know)
• these other types of crackers which i like because one long one is just 16 cals
• 1 1/2 rice cakes
• low fat youghurt

well i guess thats not too bad. but still bad
hmmm
i shall estimate how much they are now
sour cream: 150
crackers: 62
lettuce with seafood sauce: 30-50?
carrot : 10
choc bars: 40?+30?+150?+68?
cruskets: 16
rice cakes: 34
yohgurt: 40
620-650cals.

not too bad.
but could do better.
fasting for the next three days :)
im so excited.
its the holidays
i wana be skinny when school starts again.
starting it with a 3 day fast.
what i will be drinking :
LOTS of water
diet sodas
coffee
tea
and GUM
:)
im sorry, but i love gum.
4 cals a piece.
i think i'll be okay
lololol

now.. needa burn off 650 calories sitting in my stomach and write my essay..

toodles. :)
p.s FREJA BEHA IS THE HOT. THE HOT. THE HOT I WANT TO BE. *droolllllllllllllllls

i need help. i cant go on like this.

OHOHOHOH

did i mention i reached 49.5kg on sunday?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.













BUT...
i've been a discusting pig. and i'm afraid i've become fatter.. so i havnt weighed myself since then. specially today. ate a whole packet of m&m's. over 1000 cals. didnt get it all out. plus other food. i hate being fat.

im back

i said i was going to make a new blog but iuno... i missed this one.
it felt like i had a friend.
and now i'm going through shit
i just feel like i need it
coz its the only thing i can talk to
without judgement.
or critisism.
or lies.
its my own.

im sorry i left you my sweet sweet blog.

goodbye

starting a new blog. new me. new blog. new life. new beginning. i will miss you.

what ticks me off the most..

is the fact that nothing is ever good enough for anybody in this fucking, twisted, stupid world.

your either:

• too fat
• too dumb
• too stupid
• too self-centered
• too selfish
• too ignorant
• too irritating
• too heartless

TOO FUCKING SOMETHING.

or your either:

• not pretty enough
• not skinny enough
• not smart enough
• not motivated enough
• not loving enough
• not nice enough
• not interesting enough
• not good enough

no matter WHAT, there is always something unsatisfactory about a person. i know, nobody's perfect, but its just fucking stupid how people can say that and then not accept people for who they are! even if they have one tiny fucking flaw its the end of the world and then there "outed" from this society.




whats the point in trying to please people?
everyone is too high maintenance, and people who say they're not, are just too shallow to admit it. everyone should just face the truth. your asking for too much when your only allowed a bare minimum. sorry but thats how it is and people should just learn to live with it.

not saying i'm not better. i mean i wish to look like the girl in the above picture. i want too much. but i dont tell anyone. i know that i cant have everything i ask for. even though i keep on asking. but at least i have the decency to admit that i cant have everything and not rub it into peoples faces and make them look like shit just so i can feel better. instead i write just like what i'm doing now and i keep it all inside. why inflict your issues on other people? everyone has enough problems already. just shut the fuck up and keep doing what your doing. live your life.

update

want want want her body!

why is she eating cake and had a kid and still so fucking hot when i'm stuck in the body of a mammoth?

AHHH
SORRY !
i just really dont have time to blog.
well a summary of what i've been up to or what i've been doing or whats going on:

• havnt weighed since last friday (fucking scared)
• started purging again (im a screw up i know, but i cant stop) didnt purge today though HORRAY i just hope to god i dont fucking eat anymore. its past seven so NO NO NO NO
• i've started skipping again. it makes my heart pump like no 2moro. like faster when it purges. it hurts too. i dunno if thats bad or good but it makes me all sweaty and shaky, i like it.
• i've had the "talk" with my bf, so i have new motivation. i dont wana be fat for my first time !
• mum and bff have commented on my weight. sayin i look skinner. liars.
• i have tests coming up. revise revise revise

and thats bout it. i mite update on weekend for my weight update. not sure, depends if i'm crushed down with work load and bulimia. shes fucking stealing my time again. bitch. i hate you.